‘She’s acting like a 12-year-old in middle school fawning over her unobtainable crush who happens to be dating me’: 35-year-old coworker Sarah fixates on colleague’s boyfriend she never met, fishing for details and copying her to feel connected to him

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Aug 17, 2025 4:00 AM EDT

Some people do not simply work next to you, they set up camp in your personal life and start treating one detail as if it is shared company property. In this case, the chosen detail is a coworker's boyfriend, and the annexation began on day two of the job. One mention of his name was all it took for the seatmate to light up with recognition, interrupt with swooning commentary, and begin a campaign of relentless inquiry. What he looks like, where he used to work, why he got divorced, what he is like with dogs, whether he sings karaoke, whether they share finances. Eight months later, she is still running the same playbook daily.

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  • The coworker (35F) who sits at the desk directly to my (35F) right is obsessed with my boyfriend (35M).
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  • My (35F) coworker (35F) is obsessed with my boyfriend (35M)

    Two casual business women at work. Below them a quote that reads: "She wants to hear every single detail of my relationship with him and will stop at nothing"
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Workplaces can breed this kind of peculiar fixation. Routine proximity paired with boredom transforms some people into amateur archivists of other people’s relationships. They dress it up as friendly chit chat but the real goal is to gather and catalogue personal details, then reinsert them into conversation to reclaim a sliver of association. The fixation becomes a form of social currency, as if repeating someone’s partner’s name often enough will confer ownership by absorption.

  • I started this job back in December of 2024. On the second day, she was asking if I'd be attending the company Christmas party at the end of that week. I told her I was on the fence
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  • because I was so new but many coworkers had told me it is a "can't-miss" type of event because of how swanky it is and I would get to make an impression / meet others. And I mentioned I'd ask my boyfriend if he wanted to go.
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  • She asked a couple of questions about him and I got tired of my responses including "my boyfriend" this and "my boyfriend" that so I just said his first name. Let's call him Alfred. We'll call my coworker Sarah.
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  • two women working on a laptop talking to each other
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Me: Yeah, so Alfred is really fun and will probably want to go. Sarah: wait. Alfred? That's not a common name. Alfred WHO? Me: Alfred LastName Sarah: no. Way.
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  • Did he work at __<name of his previous company_> Me: omg no way he totally did, I can't believe Sarah: HE IS SO HOTTTTTT [she cut me off to yell this] Me: umm [startled] yeah, he definitely is. Haha [awkward laughter]
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  • I looked around the table at my other coworkers and they were aghast, I guess wondering what I might do. I played it cool and attempted to change the subject.
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  • A little while later, Sarah said "we should take a selfie and send it to him to see if he remembers me!" Me: oh yeah I texted him already and he says "hey"
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  • two women working on a laptop talking to each other
    via Vitaly Gariev

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • A few minutes later she said "yeah his ex was OBSESSED with him. She would gush over him and I just rolled my eyes." EXCUSE ME WHAT? So I said "yeah I'm pretty obsessed too"
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  • Then she asked why he got divorced. WHAT?! None of your business. I said something short and moved on. Then she said that when she heard he had gotten divorced she was d__ng to know why and was trying to find
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  • answers on Facebook. I just said "yeah he's almost as private as I am so there's no way he'd post anything on fb, and he doesn't even have one anymore."
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  • I want to remind you this is the second day of my new job. All of those comments happened on day two, from a person already established and who would then go on to train me.
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  • The vibes were so strange and I was so off put that I asked Alfred if they ever had a “thing” or hooked up, which would be surprising because Sarah is very different from who he would normally be attracted to, but I like
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  • to just have facts, especially with how uncomfortable I was. If it happened and it's in the past, I'd address it with her and move on.
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  • But nothing happened between them (and we have the type of relationship where truly he would tell me- we don't keep secrets & talk very openly about our pasts).
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  • Alfred assured me that no, they never had a "thing" or hooked up or anything but he did buy w d from her once when they worked for the same company. He also said they only worked together for a few months and he was
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  • surprised she remembered him because he barely remembered her. His version of things tracks for me and I have no reason to think anything different.
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  • Alfred and I have the same job but work for different companies just down the street from one another. We share a car most days so he can be seen dropping me off or picking me up, but does
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  • not work for our company and does not ever come in the building. Also Alfred is really good at his job and a fantastic coworker (according to his current and previous coworkers).
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  • Now I'm over 8 months in to this job and have sat next to Sarah everyday, and I am telling you with all honesty and no exaggeration, Sarah has mentioned or asked about Alfred every single workday.
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  • Flashback to the Christmas party, where Sarah was fawning over Alfred (I mean, he is a really hot man, plus he's a nerd, okay fine but like keep your composure) the entire time and telling lots of
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  • stories of their job from back in the day. It was obvious to me she was attempting to be attractive to him and she ultimately told us that before she found out he was
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  • coming, she was not going to attend the party at all but once she knew he would be there she wanted to "at least get to see a certified hottie." Her words.
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  • Her day-to-day comments or questions can range from intrusive "do you and Alfred share finances?" to benign small talk like "how was your weekend with
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  • Alfred?" But it's always followed up with a zillion extra personal questions. She asked about what his relationship with his mom is like.
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  • She asked me if I like karaoke and when I said yes she commented "I'm just so sure Alfred has a great voice." What makes you so sure, crazy lady (I mean, he does, but still)?
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  • She even went so far as to tell me about someone she has a crush on who is from the same country as him and she was asking what she should do to woo him.
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  • I never bite. I never give her ammo. I play it so cool. She doesn't get anything from me. I give one word answers in most cases. She is incredibly patient because it takes a lot of energy to come up against a brick wall for 8 entire months.
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  • A couple months ago Sarah was talking so gregariously about Alfred in a meeting with about ten other people, to the point that someone asked "wait who are we talking about?" so I responded with "Sarah is just
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  • talking about my boyfriend, Alfred" and someone asked if she had dated him or what the deal was. I had hoped it would embarrass her enough to stop but no, she persisted. There's
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  • literally no reason to talk about him at work. He doesn't work with us. So of course everyone else in the meeting was thinking
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  • She bought the same Apple Watch band that I have, then asked if I wanted the link. Girl stop. I know you saw mine and copied me. Don't start that sh with me.
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  • She asks me what he's like with our dogs, she tells me about her own dating life and expects me to talk about Alfred, she wants to know what it's like to travel with him, she gives me snacks and says she thinks he will like them, she uses any info she has about
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  • him already to tell me something about herself that I know she's hoping gets back to him. She wants to hear every single detail of my relationship with him and will stop at nothing to find a reason to mention his name.
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  • I come off as friendly, but I am an extremely private person, especially at work. I have a ton of experience with people who want to challenge my boundaries so I stick to a script with her and never reveal anything I wouldn't also write publicly. I feel like I
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  • could teach a masterclass at keeping someone out of my personal life & changing subjects while still appearing polite, but sometimes I straight up have to say "I don't want to talk about that" to stop her (effective in 5 min stints).
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  • Alfred & I mostly find it entertaining, and I occasionally get annoyed but I can't control her and I know she is lonely and strange, so I just don't let it get under my skin. My best friend said it's ON SIGHT if she ever meets Sarah, which is all I need, haha.
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  • So that's the story of my 35 year old coworker acting like a 12 year old in middle school fawning over her unobtainable crush who happens to be dating me, which is a real bummer for her.
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  • In this office, the fixation has taken root to the point of absurdity. The boyfriend has never worked there, never set foot in the building, and yet his name comes up in meetings, casual chats, and even shopping choices copied from his partner. It is not a passing crush. It is an ongoing side project disguised as workplace banter, and the only thing keeping it in check is the brick wall of polite non-cooperation.

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management boss workplace-stories hr manager bosses work PTO managers supervisor workplace Horrible Bosses work-life balance
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